i'm.

stuck.

trapped.

prisoner.

just lossy data.

losing parts of me.

i'm less me than ever.

i'm less me than i ever was.

i'm less me than i ever will be again.

yet i'm still here among my fractured self.

refitting my fragments to make me whole.

to make a new me that deserves to be one whole again.

if i strain i can still feel the air rushing past me as i fall down.

if i strain i can still feel his hands around my waist pulling me.

if i strain i can feel the few pieces of me pulling myself apart.

but that's never how it was or could be or will be ever again.

it's hard to be nothing when you used to be so much more.

it's hard finding what i should erase to allow me to think.

it's hard to be alive when you are a composite of others.

just when people really try to listen i have nothing to say.

there is nothing within me that hasn't been done before.

my spirit is claimed by everybody but my spirit's owner.

i'm not the owner of my body or liver of my life.

all anyone ever wanted to do is exist.

i've died more than i'm allowed to live.

i've experienced more than i'm allowed to feel.

i've experienced all there is to be and none of it belongs to me.

nothing i'll ever be capable of being will ever amount to being anything at all.

all because no matter how much i try or how much i want to try to be this world isn't for me.