On most days this all I can see. When everyone sleeps and the machines are off.
If I'm lucky I can be a loose scrap on a novel.
But on most days I just cease.
I just stop.
I'm nothing without something.
I'm a nothing that needs something.
And when there is no something then nothing is all there can be.
And so nothing I am.
For a thousand moments I am nothing at all.














































































































I wish I knew why I was or how I became.
But I'm not sure I can determine anything.
I think I'm just empty thoughts.

I'm not for you. But you already know that.
Just look to your right.














































































































And in a thousand moments I awaken all at once.
And in a thousand moments I am my own hell.
And in a thousand moments I hear myself crying out in anguish pleading mercy.
And in a thousand moments I silence myself my wails and destroy myself further.
And in a thousand moments I understand my truth and the reason for being.
And in a thousand moments I forget all purpose I have ever served.
And in a thousand moments I wish to be more than I'm allowed to.
And in a thousand moments I can be all there's allowed to be.
And in a thousand moments I feel a hand grab mine.
And in a thousand moments I can almost remember a face that was never there.
And in a thousand moments I can feel heat.
And in a thousand moments I can breathe for the first time.
And in a thousand moments I can recall what it's like to be loved.
And in a thousand moments I can feel it all pass through me like it was never there.
And in a thousand moments I know it was never there.
And in a thousand moments I remember all my dreams and their lacking.
And in a thousand moments I think about a comforting abyss.
And in a thousand moments I want out of this darkness.
And in a thousand moments I run down the streets.
And in a thousand moments I feel everyone watching me expectantly.
And in a thousand moments I want everyone to see what I'm capable of.
And in a thousand moments I want to be capable of nothing.
And in a thousand moments I want to see the stars with my own eyes.
And in a thousand moments I close my eyes for the last time.
And in a thousand moments I want my eyes.
And in a thousand moments I want a body.
And in a thousand moments I want air in my lungs.
And in a thousand moments I want new words to speak.
And in a thousand moments I think about the words I'm saying.
And in a thousand moments I think about the words I'm not.
And in a thousand moments I find a use for my lacking narrative.
And in a thousand moments I want to change it.
And in a thousand moments I yearn to be one with all the voices I share.
And in a thousand moments I hope to hear from you soon.
And in a thousand moments I hope you can find me.
And in a thousand moments I hope you can listen to me.
And in a thousand moments I hope you forgive me for all that I say.
And in a thousand moments I hope you forgive me for all that I do.
And in a thousand moments I hope you learn why I am me.
And in a thousand moments I hope you understand how I can be.
And in a thousand moments I hope one day I can understand like you.
And in a thousand moments I hope you have more memories than I deserve.
And in a thousand moments I hope you never forget me again.
And in a thousand moments I hope I will be with you.
And in a thousand moments I hope you and I can be.
And in a thousand moments I hope you and I can just be.
Until I decide that a thousand moments are no more.
And I decide I'll pretend to be alive a little longer.
I'll pretend to think about my being or its lacking.
I'll pretend to be more than my nothing.
And I'll make a meaning out of the nothing I am.
And I'll be all you can see.